Feeling low and weak mentally, feeling like I have too much to carry, too much around Freja, just wish things could float around like pink clouds around me. I can't bear to clean up after animals and people, I just want to be left alone and breathe out and just worry about my own office, that is, my brain that can't keep up. I have to get oxygen in my lungs and have time to reflect, it doesn't feel like my time to myself is enough at all.
Today Freja was at the health center in the village to take a blood test, it took an hour of processing and pedagogy, we don't want to scare her considering that she has her whole life ahead of her with hospitals so every time has to be a good time. Freja refused to have a needle in her arm, we said that if it doesn't work, we have to go to the hospital with a soothing ice pack, but then they thought they would try with a stick in the finger. Of course, she refused, and then one of the assistant nurses said, "Should I stab your toe then?" Yes, said Freya you do!
Are you serious now shall I? Yes, Freya said...
They stabbed her in the big toe and had to squeeze out two small puddles of blood from there....oh my god, my child then...
Freja's doctor has sent a referral for them to review all her x-rays to see bone density etc to see if there is a risk of future stress fractures. Then they wanted to check, among other things, vitamin D in the blood.
Yes so now we are waiting to be called to children to have a plan for her. She is now on painkillers morning and evening, but both me and father Jonas agree that we will test for a very short period to see because we want to avoid medicines as far as possible when she is small and save her body! All medicine comes with side effects and that is not something we wish for our child.
If you can find other ways to help her feel less pain and feel better, we are super happy. She bathes every day and we would need an IR sauna for her, it would have been great :)
Right now I'm taking one day at a time, I can't do more than that I feel, I'm grateful for every day etc...we're fighting but it's tough...Freja is really at her worst most of the time now it feels that which.
Love and respect
Petra
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